I’m Famous!

by JM

So, I just found out I’m a celebrity! You’ve probably never heard of me, and you probably never will – but it’s true! And I can totally identify with my fellow celebrities when it comes to issues concerning their privacy. I mean, I suppose I should be flattered that co-workers of mine work so hard to unearth juicy gossip about me. So pathetically hard. But, I guess it comes with the territory when you’re a celebrity!

I’m really not quite sure what drives these people to hold such fascination with my personal life. Do they not have their own lives? Do they not feel complete without someone else to spread rumors and gossip about? I cannot identify. What I do know is that I don’t like gossipers.

Recently, a major change happened in my personal life. A major change that I haven’t completely dealt with and that I’ve barely told anyone about. For reasons outside of my control, co-workers have caught a whiff of the change. They can just smell it. So, what do these gossippers do? They fish. and fish and fish and fish.

They work extensively, inviting people I talk to on a regular basis at work to lunch for the sole purpose of a fishing expedition. Unfortunately with them, I’ve not shared it with most of these people. It happens that I accidentally let a co-worker know a while ago, and she and I have since become new friends. Which probably has just fueled the fire under the butts of the gossippers. Now they really want juice! How dare I befriend another co-worker and not them!

Now, this co-worker is pretty new. She hadn’t learned the unfortunately catty dynamics of this office yet. So, she was consequently caught off guard when the biggest fishing and gossipping offender flat-out asked her a specific question, guessing. The poor girl didn’t see it coming and was shocked, but the answer spread across her face before she could respond. Not her fault, but damage done.

The fisher caught herself a whopper. This information that she has finally ascertained for herself is deeply personal. So so deeply personal. The last thing I want is for everyone in the office to know. Especially before I am ready to share it with even close friends and family. Unfortunately, there is no way to stop the spread. Once this girl knows something, it spreads through the office like wild-fire. It hurts. Fire hurts.

It seems this co-worker of mine has devoted her life to getting dirt about people and then using it to stab them in the back. Or just get any information that she can do with as she pleases. She’s actually really good at it. She has her technique down. She is fantastic at convincing people that she is their friend and that she is concerned about their (or other people who she wants dirt on) lives. She has her initial trust fostering method perfected. This is how she got me the first time. It was awful that time and it’s awful again.

Why do people feel that everyone’s business is their business? Why? I am a firm believer that companies should institute a no-gossip policy. Gossip fosters mistrust, hostility & lower morale which consequently increases turnover. It certainly has here. Many companies follow-up gossip with disciplinary action. This teaches gossipers that it is NOT ok. Or, how about a gossip sensitivity training class? Anything!

I guess I am particularly sensitive about this as I’ve never dealt with this type of detestable person before. I didn’t know they exist. Why can’t people be nice and live their own lives?

This sucks.

But at least it tells me I’m special. Right? Right.